This definitely only happens to me.

So, I've had a sore throat almost all week. Tuesday night I was just plain miserable. Everything hurt. I was achey and my head was all stuffy and it hurt to fucking breathe. Yeah, it sucked.

Went to the doctor and found out I had strep.
Yay.

Took my antibiotics last night and all was just dandy.

Oh, but I woke up this morning with a swollen face.

I would be allergic to the antibiotics.

I hate life so much right now omg.

Can I just not be sick or

I'm really not okay with this.

I'm not okay with people just randomly deciding they want to be a part of my life again after no communication for months. I really do have feelings. I'm not going to open up to you just because it's Valentine's day. We haven't talked in MONTHS. Why should I open up to you now? You got what you wanted from me and then moved on. Get over yourself.

Oh, and since when does money make up for all the pain you put me through? You're fucking family. It's not as bad coming from friends or people not related to you. But from family? You don't even have the decency to apologize. Oh, but come every holiday, there's a card with money in it. I don't want your fucking money. "We love and miss you." Whatever. I don't want anything to do with you until you feel like I'm worthy enough to talk to. I ruined your and everyone else's lives, remember? I don't have a grandmother anymore, remember? Wait, what was that one part you said? Oh, right. That it was all my fault. Because a 14 year old girl with depression can control a 72 year old man, a 69 year old woman, a 40 year old woman, and an 18 year old boy. Right. I get it. It's all my fault. Whatever. Come next holiday, keep your money. I don't want it. I hope, when summer comes, you remember everything you put me through. How I "only made you more sick, when I was supposed to help you get better". Because, again, a 14 year old girl has total control over a 69 year old woman. What's the phrase you always use? Get a life.

Oh, for whoever cares.

The most amazing girl I've ever met?

Not the same girl who broke up with me twice. I'm done with that girl. 

Some people are fucking nuts, ya know? 

This new girl. She's the kind of girl that just makes you giggle at every word that comes out her mouth. She gives you butterflies just when she looks at you. She's the kind of girl I've been spending a long time thinking about. 

Realized something today.

I randomly got pretty down today. It might have been because the girl I have a super huge crush on was acting a little weird, but who knows. Anyway, if I had felt that feeling a month or two ago, I would have gone straight for the blade. I would have found a part of body that wasn't already cut up, and cut it until I didn't feel anything else. That was me a month ago.

What'd I do today? I talked to said girl. I just let shit out. Then what did I do? Played an episode of Skins, took a bath, and made up a story with said girl about just being together.

Finding new ways to calm down and relieve stress feels so amazingly good. True, I'll have these scars forever. But I don't really know if I'll always be ashamed of them. It's something I went through. I survived it. I'm a trooper, I guess.

So what if I'm not perfectly thin? Maybe I have a little extra fat in places where it shouldn't be. So what? Yeah, everyone is going to be a complete and utter dick at one point in time. Fuck 'em. There's always gonna be someone ten times better than them.

I've finally realized all these amazing things, and it feels so good. I'm happy, and it is truly amazing. I can't even describe how amazing it is to feel this happy. I'm not saying I'm 100% better. I'll still have those days. But I won't cut. I won't skip meals. I won't throw it up. I'm done with all of that.

I guess you could say I'm reinventing myself.

And I'm doing it with help from the most amazing girl I've ever met.