Realized something today.

I randomly got pretty down today. It might have been because the girl I have a super huge crush on was acting a little weird, but who knows. Anyway, if I had felt that feeling a month or two ago, I would have gone straight for the blade. I would have found a part of body that wasn't already cut up, and cut it until I didn't feel anything else. That was me a month ago.

What'd I do today? I talked to said girl. I just let shit out. Then what did I do? Played an episode of Skins, took a bath, and made up a story with said girl about just being together.

Finding new ways to calm down and relieve stress feels so amazingly good. True, I'll have these scars forever. But I don't really know if I'll always be ashamed of them. It's something I went through. I survived it. I'm a trooper, I guess.

So what if I'm not perfectly thin? Maybe I have a little extra fat in places where it shouldn't be. So what? Yeah, everyone is going to be a complete and utter dick at one point in time. Fuck 'em. There's always gonna be someone ten times better than them.

I've finally realized all these amazing things, and it feels so good. I'm happy, and it is truly amazing. I can't even describe how amazing it is to feel this happy. I'm not saying I'm 100% better. I'll still have those days. But I won't cut. I won't skip meals. I won't throw it up. I'm done with all of that.

I guess you could say I'm reinventing myself.

And I'm doing it with help from the most amazing girl I've ever met.